FOMO on a Silver Jubilee!

Finally, yours truly now has something more silver to look forward too than just the silverware at home or a scanty silver haired cranium.

We touched our Silver Jubilee as wedded husband and wife. 25 years back, falls under the prehistoric era in the evolution timeline of the so-called Big fat Indian weddings. Those days the weddings were neither fat nor were the bride and the groom, they looked famished by the end of the wedding ceremony, and with no Toni or Guy around to make us look like a Bollywood hero or heroine and we also did not have the right lighting to make us look fairer than we claimed in our matrimonial ads.

To reminisce the day, I had a glance at our Wedding Album after ages... Was shocked to see, I had been devoured from the cover page of the album by other inmates who co inhabited with us the last 25 Years. Wondered why only I was taken apart while my wife was still smiling, consoled myself saying I must have been the sweeter of the two! When I saw a copy of the same picture, I realized I was all sweaty, famished and glaring without any emotions and the photographer then did not have the tools nor the skills to make me look otherwise... The insect inmates must have mistaken me to be glaring at them and devoured me to glory.

The entire ceremonial affair was done and over with in less than 72 hours, and I’m talking about the engagement, marriage and in some cases even meeting the girl / boy for the first time. The closest I got to the Sangeeth ceremony of today was when the cab driver of the car I was travelling in for my engagement churned out a creaky version of Congratulations and Celebrations from his archaic car stereo!!!!

Less talked about the photo shoots of the days the better. It was more like a shoot at sight for me. May 18^th in Madras is like being barbecued and here comes the photographer with super bright lights at my face, the heat from which literally tanned me and took the sheen out of the efforts I had put in to look fairer the previous evening.

The staple menu in almost all weddings was, a Biriyani followed by a scoop of vanilla ice cream and if you are lucky they would throw in a few pieces of fruits of the season and viola you had a fruit salad too.

Fast forward to today, The Indian wedding industry is a 159 Billion Dollar industry, starting from hiring the likes of a globe-trotting Seema Taparia for your match making which technically was a freelance activity for your neighborhood aunties then, to date nights that cost a bomb now which were limited to samosa cut in two and a cutting chai then. Not to forget the tribe of Wedding Planners who would go any length to ensure you were shot from tree tops or underwater, bedeck your venue with Tulips from Keukenhof, Michelin Star Chefs would be dishing out the choicest Foie gras and Sushi and finally not to forget the designer wear that might look good at Met Gala events but not quite designed for Madras Kathri in May.  Ah and not to antagonize the senior citizens of the household, add a dash of tradition too into this cacophony with the likes of Mehendi and a Haldi ceremony which is a fixture, irrespective of the cast or creed you belong too, they would justify it saying after all turmeric is just an anti-oxidant. Mind you, this trend is not just confined to the ultra-high net worth strata but has trickled down to the middle and lower middle-class India too, albeit in a marginally scaled down fashion.

The latest addition to destination wedding is in a space capsule and to add salt to the wound it was announced on 18^th May 2023 exactly 25 years after I got married. You can have up to 8 guests in the capsule that will take you 100,000ft above poor Earth and will also feature a play list, my guess is that Stairway to Heaven would feature in them and how much more literally closer can you to get to the old adage “Marriages are made in Heaven”, but the Indian version says for it to last, it should be written in the stars. So, all you folks who are going up there please read the script on the stars as well and pray that it lasts on humble earth too.

As we celebrate our Silver Jubilee, I am going through a sense of FOMO (Frustration Of having Missed Out) on all of the above. I want to shake a leg, but cannot, as the knees are creaking, had hair then but no stylist or a head spa, designer wear these days come only in slim & super slim sizes and on the best days I can fit just about an arm into these shirts, the closest I get to haldi is in our kitchen while cooking and no drone photo shoots from tree tops for me, else they will capture a barren head. Wish I was born 25 years later!!! Having said that, I still cherish going through those moth-eaten photographs in my wedding album and vividly remember every guest who came on stage (and the gift he / she gave me). I can vouch, this joy, no wedding planner or a big fat wedding can give.  

Here’s Wishing my wife of 25 years all patience and strength with help from all Gods & Stars to endure another 25 with this annoying man!!!